Recently, I made a facebook post and a YouTube video on why ‘getting into a relationship’ is terrible for your relationships. In a way, to get ‘together’ with someone is often the beginning of the end of a relationship.
I received many reactions to the video, and several of you asked me what it means to focus on relating to each other.
What does it mean to relate well?
I have no sure recipe for successful relationships, but I know several practices that certainly help.
These are in my experience the 5 best ways to improve your relationships right now.
1. Commit to connection
For relationships to work, you need 2 people who want to make it work. 2 partners who are committed to make it work, no matter what. With empathy across the table, everything is possible. Without it, all is lost.
2. Commit to openness
Co-create a safe place where both of the partners feel secure to share anything they want to share with the other. To create this space, both have to commit to openness.
3. Practice fighting gracefully
The quality of your relationships is not determined by the absence of disagreements, but by how you deal with disagreement. Check out Doctor Gottman and avoid the four horsemen of the apocalypse : criticism, contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling.
4. Practice emptiness
When listening (and talking), practice emptiness by getting rid of judgment, preconceptions, expectations. How prepared are you to change the assumptions you have about your partner or the people you meet right now? Practice presence and just being with the other (in their world).
5. Practice seduction
Seduction is the secret ingredient of every thriving relationship. When the previous 4 ways will help you improve your friendship, seduction will keep the romance, the passion alive. Keep seducing your wife!
The last practice is probably the hardest one, and it is why I do what I do. Half of the work is your intention and commitment to keep seducing each other. For the other half, contact me and join our community.
Which of these practices are you already doing? Can you suggest any other practices that have helped you in your relationships?