Zack de la Rocha of Rage Against The Machine performs at the Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival in Indio, Calif., on Sunday, April 29, 2007. (AP Photo/Branimir Kvartuc)

 

Man’s anger is a gift, even though he’s been told a kazillion times the opposite.

From working with thousands of men over the years, it has become clear to me that anger, more than sex, is the biggest taboo in our day and age.  As men, even more than for our sexual desires, we are guilt tripped into thinking anger is a bad thing. By men, by women, our parents, our teachers, the media…

Countless times we are shown what pain aggression has caused the world, and we have come to associate anger with that pain.

We believe anger and aggression are the same thing, but they are not.

Anger is a feeling. Anger just is.
Anger is a feeling, that can be expressed negatively or positively.
We can use anger constructively in the form of assertiveness.
We can re-act negatively to that feeling, resulting in aggression.

Examples of using anger constructively are anger as impetus for personal growth, artistic creation, or boundary control with the people in our life.

The surest way to be a slave to the feeling of anger and remain unable to use it constructively is by presupposing anger is bad, by ignoring it, by running away from it…

In order to become an integrated man, one needs to acknowledge and accept one’s anger. It is only through awareness, acknowledgement and acceptance of one’s anger, of what is, that a man can choose assertiveness, that is to use it in a constructive way.

During the Way of a Seducer course, we spend 2 weeks becoming aware and starting to accept our anger.
The way we do it is through self-expression, inclusive of the other.

Hans

p.s. HERE is an artistic example of how I used my anger in a constructive way.