When words say too much
An essential trait of any intimate relationship is to be inclusive with your partner.
To be inclusive of the other means that you take (part of) the responsibility in making sure the other knows about the things that matter between each other. You make sure that things are clear.
To be inclusive does NOT mean you have to be verbally explicit about everything. To make sure things are clear does not mean you have to bluntly say everything. It does not mean you have to practice radical honesty at all times. In fact, oftentimes, to be verbally explicit can do more harm than good.
The danger with making things verbally explicit, with being overt is that it turns individual knowledge into mutual knowledge. Being overt turns the ‘she knows’ into a ‘she knows that I know that she knows’ and this can change the way you relate to one another forever.
This is the essential point of seductive speech and communication in relationships that fewer men than women get. Yet, it is essential for the thriving of your relationships.
To articulate it more, watch this fantastic video, and watch for the difference between individual and mutual knowledge, and the importance of innuendo and indirect speech.
If men and women want to understand each other better, they better understand this.
Silence, innuendo and indirect language are essential tools to make sure she knows, without forcing her to face it. To make sure she knows without forcing her to address it. To make sure she knows without laying it all into the open. To make sure she knows without risking the damage caused by bluntness.
Silence, innuendo and indirect language are essential to seductive speech because it gives her the freedom to be able to say “It just happened.”
Silence, innuendo and indirect language are essential to relationship communication because it makes sure she does not feel cheated when the truth is brought into the open.
A good innuendo is indirect but perfectly clear.
Hans Comyn
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